Tuesday, May 15, 2012

If You Can't Afford Condoms, Just Wear Crocs. Best Birth Control EVER.

Over the weekend, the topic of Crocs came up a lot. I went to my friend Kelly's birthday party and people asked me about Crocs after I posted this on Facebook:

Before I get into this issue, I would like to tell you guys that I actually own a pair of Crocs. They are the regular kind in hot pink. I bought them years ago when I was living at home and helping my parents garden. They are actually good for gardening - because you can hose them off. If you are in the MUD, I recommend them. If you are not in sheer dirt or over 10 years old, they really have no place in public. This post is in jest so if you really like Crocs and this offends you, get oves it. I am sure I wear some things that other people find hideous. Speaking of hideous, here are (in my opinion) the worst offenders for women:

While I love the color, these look like those orthopedic shoes people wear in nursing homes - or the ones people wear then they have one leg that is too short. The platform flip flop thing ended in the 90's and even then, it looked stupid.

Below are some other cringe worth examples. Before I thought it couldn't get ANY worse - these ones have Velcro: 

Here is a good tip: if your shoe looks like a dildo, it's probably not a good choice:
If you ever see me in a pair of these, call the police and have me committed.  The silver "material" majorly creeps me out. It looks like duct tape.
Could you imagine seeing these on someone at a formal event? 
This is Crocs take on a acceptable sandal. This is probably the least scary of them all but dude. Why do ALL the pairs have to have those freaky massage beads on the sole? Those are for ADIDAS sandals for basketball players after a game.
UGH I could really go on all afternoon but I have to get back to work. Just remember, if you are having a moment of weakness and are in the mall and see a pair of Crocs an think they are "not that bad"...remember this cat: 


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