So I have the pleasure of a guest blog this week from one of my besties, Karen. Karen and I have been friends for years and helped each other through a lot of personal dating experiences. I have had some of the most fun in my life with Karen and we have talked each other off many a ledge in dating. I love running things past my friends because they all offer wonderful insight and perspective into things that I never would have thought of. Friends and especially girlfriends are indispensable in this life and I am thankful for you Karen and for your fantastic thoughts and this super fun and oh so true blog on dating this week!
The boy chases the girl until she catches him.
I know I know…it doesn’t make sense at all. But my grandmother said it to me when I was 7 years old and I have never forgotten it. Read it again, it makes PERFECT sense! This is a post about (gasp!) dating… This is NOT a post about where to meet a guy (Hint: You’re not likely to find coffee in the dairy isle: more on that later) or what to do on a date, or the ever-popular but reeks of desperation “how do I make him like me?” No…this is about YOU taking charge of your dating life and not losing yourself in the process. First and foremost (I cannot stress this enough), know what you want and know what you DESERVE!
Need help? Make a list of everything you want in a man. Go. Get your paper and pen ladies. Include age range, financial status, education, familial background, religion, height requirements, hobbies, hair color, eye color, blah, blah, blah. Go ahead. Make one. Put down 50 items, put down 100 if you have to until you know EXACTLY what you are looking for. Now; rip it to shreds, burn it, whatever. Know why? It doesn’t matter WHAT a guy is, only WHO a guy is, more specifically how he makes you FEEL. Ok, for real this time, make another list. Keep it simple. Write down 5 ways you want your partner to make you feel. What is important to you? Do you want to feel secure? Pretty? Loved? Intelligent? Strong? Kind? Sexy? That’s the man you want to find; the one that compliments your best qualities and enhances your authentic self.
Remember, you’re in charge. You’re the boss. And you have a position open, so get interviewing! This is the fun part, enjoy the experience. Use “interviewing” as a mind-frame. Please, for the love of white gummy bears (sorry, my personal fave), do not actually interview the poor fella. No one wants to be interrogated; leave that for when he meets your mother! Interview multiple candidates and have them back for rounds of interviews until you decide they are not right for the job. You’ll know in three dates, tops! If you’re not smitten, do everyone a favor and move on. Don’t forget to give him the courtesy of a simple, honest reason for the break…you would appreciate the same, yes? Yes, you heard me right. Date multiple gentlemen. Not in the “I don’t know who the baby daddy is” kind of way, (you’re still a lady) but by all means you do not need to be sitting around at home waiting for HIM to call.
Of course, there will likely be one that ends up securing MOST of your time, and you will naturally fall into a bit of a “What is this? Where is this going? What are we?” tizzy-inducing stage. For me; usually it’s around the one and a half to two month mark, if a guy makes it that far.
I have two things to say about this; my own personal beliefs. 1. He needs to initiate this conversation. I’m a bit old-fashioned when it comes to this. Remember: “The boy chases the girl until she catches him”. I believe Grandma was right. Yes, I’m well aware that it’s 2012 but the natural state of a man is to be the hunter; let him do his job. I believe if a guy wants to be with you and wants to be with you only, he will make it happen! 2. If he doesn’t; and this is the hard one because you probably like him sooooooooooooooooooooo much at this point but--- MOVE ON! I’m serious. You want someone that wants to be with you. You want a respectful, two-way, mature relationship. If after 2 months, he’s sputtering things like “I don’t feel the need to put a label on it” or “why do we have to rush into things?” or other such widely-heard excuses, send him packing. It doesn’t matter how much you like him. Remember, know what you deserve. If he doesn’t think you are worth it, conversely, he isn’t. This is based off of the fact that I’m guessing that list you made earlier didn’t include him making you feel “insecure”, “cheap” or “mediocre”. Am I correct? That was rhetorical, I know I am and you know I am.