Wednesday, January 16, 2013

If You Want to Add a Degree of Difficulty to Getting Laid, Just Wear Crocs!

So you guys already know about my affair with Crocs. In May I did a write up on my favorite worst offenders of Crocs which you can read about HERE. Since then, Crocs unfortunately has come out with some more "stylish" examples which I am here to give two cents on today.

In Boston in November, I came across one of the biggest Crocs stores I had ever seen. I started melting like the Wicked Witch.

Crocs, unless you are gardening and using that traditional first style - or you are over 10 years old, make no sense. Like my title says, if you want to add a degree of difficulty to getting laid, just wear Crocs!

There are so many other options out there. I just don't understand them. Plus whatever material they are made out of. It looks and feels squishy like textured vegetable protein. Did you know that you can boil your Crocs and eat them in a pinch? They are made out of edible materials.

This one is the newest one the hit the market for spring. Get ready for it...A FLAT PEEP TOE. Are you kidding me with that color? And the little breather holes for the toes? Ugh.

 Unless you are a POWER RANGER, these examples have no place on your feet.
 There's no getting around the simple fact that Crocs are ugly. It is a truth universally acknowledged. In fact,  crocodiles have petitioned to have their names changed to Sandal Lizards.
Guys! If you wear these men's flip flops and she still goes out with you...she loves you. Put a diamond on it. I am serious.

 Sometimes I think of what my bulldog Audry would look like if she wore Crocs. It's kind of how the rest of the world looks!

This might be the world’s ugliest shoe, mixing, as it does, three of the ugliest types of footwear to hit the market in the past decade: UGGS plus CROCS PLUS TOE SOCKS?? If I had to wear shoes in hell, this would probably be one of my choices. I don't understand the toe sock thing either. I mean rllly...who the fuck thinks it's comfortable to NOT be able to wiggle your toes? LOOK AT THIS!! It looks like it's about to ATTACK someone!

I think LITERAL Crocs are much more becoming than Crocs. Check these out. I would wear these before I would wear traditional Crocs.
Here is a tip...if a turtle confuses your shoes with his wife, it's probably not a good choice for you. #JustSayin'.

 Happy Wednesday Folks!


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