Hey All!
So I have the pleasure of a guest blog this week from one of my besties, Karen. Karen and I have been friends for years and helped each other through a lot of personal dating experiences. I have had some of the most fun in my life with Karen and we have talked each other off many a ledge in dating. I love running things past my friends because they all offer wonderful insight and perspective into things that I never would have thought of. Friends and especially girlfriends are indispensable in this life and I am thankful for you Karen and for your fantastic thoughts and this super fun and oh so true blog on dating this week!
The boy chases the girl
until she catches him.
I know I know…it
doesn’t make sense at all. But my grandmother said it to me when I was 7 years
old and I have never forgotten it. Read it again, it makes PERFECT sense! This
is a post about (gasp!) dating… This
is NOT a post about where to meet a guy (Hint: You’re not likely to find coffee
in the dairy isle: more on that later) or what to do on a date, or the
ever-popular but reeks of desperation “how do I make him like me?” No…this is
about YOU taking charge of your dating life and not losing yourself in the
process. First and foremost (I cannot stress this enough), know what you want
and know what you DESERVE!
Need help? Make a
list of everything you want in a man. Go. Get your paper and pen ladies. Include
age range, financial status, education, familial background, religion, height
requirements, hobbies, hair color, eye color, blah, blah, blah. Go ahead. Make
one. Put down 50 items, put down 100 if you have to until you know EXACTLY what
you are looking for. Now; rip it to shreds, burn it, whatever. Know why? It
doesn’t matter WHAT a guy is, only WHO a guy is, more specifically how he makes
you FEEL. Ok, for real this time, make another list. Keep it simple. Write down
5 ways you want your partner to make you feel. What is important to you? Do you
want to feel secure? Pretty? Loved? Intelligent? Strong? Kind? Sexy? That’s the
man you want to find; the one that compliments your best qualities and enhances
your authentic self.
Remember, you’re in
charge. You’re the boss. And you have a position open, so get interviewing!
This is the fun part, enjoy the experience. Use “interviewing” as a mind-frame.
Please, for the love of white gummy bears (sorry, my personal fave), do not
actually interview the poor fella. No one wants to be interrogated; leave that
for when he meets your mother! Interview multiple candidates and have them back
for rounds of interviews until you decide they are not right for the job. You’ll
know in three dates, tops! If you’re not smitten, do everyone a favor and move
on. Don’t forget to give him the courtesy of a simple, honest reason for the
break…you would appreciate the same, yes? Yes, you heard me right. Date
multiple gentlemen. Not in the “I don’t know who the baby daddy is” kind of
way, (you’re still a lady) but by all means you do not need to be sitting
around at home waiting for HIM to
call.
Of course, there will
likely be one that ends up securing MOST of your time, and you will naturally
fall into a bit of a “What is this? Where is this going? What are we?”
tizzy-inducing stage. For me; usually it’s around the one and a half to two
month mark, if a guy makes it that far.
I have two things to
say about this; my own personal beliefs. 1. He needs to initiate this
conversation. I’m a bit old-fashioned when it comes to this. Remember: “The boy
chases the girl until she catches him”. I believe Grandma was right. Yes, I’m
well aware that it’s 2012 but the natural state of a man is to be the hunter;
let him do his job. I believe if a guy wants to be with you and wants to be
with you only, he will make it happen! 2. If he doesn’t; and this is the hard
one because you probably like him sooooooooooooooooooooo much at this
point but--- MOVE ON! I’m serious. You want someone that wants to be with you.
You want a respectful, two-way, mature relationship. If after 2 months, he’s
sputtering things like “I don’t feel the need to put a label on it” or “why do
we have to rush into things?” or other such widely-heard excuses, send him
packing. It doesn’t matter how much you like him. Remember, know what you deserve. If he doesn’t think you are
worth it, conversely, he isn’t. This is based off of the fact that I’m guessing
that list you made earlier didn’t include him making you feel “insecure”,
“cheap” or “mediocre”. Am I correct? That was rhetorical, I know I am and you
know I am.
Signed,
I-will-not-settle-for-less-than-extraordinary-love-Karen
